Holding space + making sense of the feelings surrounding Roe v. Wade
To my fellow survivors, birthing folks, and our allies:
I feel absolutely crushed by the weight of the overturning of Roe v. Wade, and as a person who fancies herself a skilled communicator, the lack of words I'm finding to accurately articulate how I'm feeling is testing my patience and requiring me to cycle through the tools in my toolbox at an alarming rate. If that's true for me, I reckon it might be for you, as well.
I can’t change policy back to what it was, I can’t control how other people feel about this, but what I can do is share how I’m processing and moving through this and hope that something within this long wall of text helps you find some relief. There are also resources at the end of this post to help ease the OMFG BUT WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP RIGHT NOW vibes you might be feeling.
Let’s start with a story…
Over the weekend, one of the online spaces I absolutely cherish shut down our ability to converse with each other about this historic violation of human rights and bodily autonomy. Upon reading the post declaring that any new discussions around this topic would be declined, it activated something deep within me. Instead of judging myself for being impacted by this, I got curious:
What am I feeling?
I am physically experiencing tightness in my chest, a pit in my stomach, and like I need to clear my throat. I know through my grounding and embodiment practices that these are the physical manifestations of feeling unsafe, anxious, and vulnerable.
Where did it come from?
It makes sense that I feel like this, I am a survivor of sexual assault - the most violent of offenses of bodily autonomy. With regards to the SCOTUS decision at large, of course I'm going to feel something when the government "for the people, by the people" makes a historic decision that strips me and millions of other bodies that birth of the right to make my own choices for my reproductive health.
Bringing it back to this particular situation: it makes sense that this online space shutting down conversations about it would activate some remnants of the worst day of my life.
Once I understood what I was feeling and where it came from, I affirmed to my body that I was safe and the symptoms dissipated.
This process - being activated or triggered, having awareness of it, and then coming back into my body by checking in with myself and understanding the situation, used to take weeks, months, or years - if it happened at all. This time, it all happened in the span of two minutes.
And, once I came back to my body after a physical reaction to the post saying that discussions were shut down, I was able to respond from a grounded, clear, level-headed place.
I started by offering resources, but when I woke up the next morning, I knew I had to leave. My presence in a group like this was not welcome, not safe, and more importantly, I didn't want to be there anymore.
And if there's one thing you take away from this story, let it be this: permission granted to make a swift and decisive exit from any relationship, job, or community that you no longer feel safe in or want to be a part of.
So I left. On my way out, I stated my Truth: I could not be complicit in the silencing of my Sisters. After I tapped "Leave Group" I immediately felt lighter. In the mental space I created by not being in that group, I had room to breathe and connect the dots on all of it.
One of the group leaders thanked me for leaving because it inspired her to speak up. Suddenly, a light bulb went off, and where judgment might have lived in a previous chapter on my Trail of Life, compassion stepped in:
It makes sense that people who have been silenced and silence themselves would silence others. Internalized misogyny, the patriarchy, and rape culture all contribute to this. I put myself in her shoes: if don't feel like my voice matters, why would I give space for others to use their voices?
Instead of a petty argument, I stood firm in my truth, didn't overextend myself, wasn't rooted in my desire to be right, and showed up as the woman I've always wanted to be my entire life. What started as physical discomfort after reading a post online ended up with me feeling completely embodied.
So now what? What do we do next? How do we make a difference? How can we activate change?
First things first: get grounded. Whatever that means for you. It takes as long as it takes. We are of no use to the collective if we can't take care of ourselves, so that must be the priority. And no, it's not selfish, because here's the deal:
When we know ourselves, when we are able to ground ourselves, when we are able to stand firm in our truth, and when we are well-resourced, well-rested, and well-nourished - we are, pardon my French: UNF*CKWITHABLE.
This court decision is an absolute travesty, and the implications of it exceed the procedure itself. That is no doubt. But if I've learned anything in this lifetime, it's that everything takes time. Nothing happens or is fixed overnight. This is a long battle, a marathon, a lifelong endeavor. We must be at our best to bring our best to this fight.
So if all of this is activating you in some way, as you get through the initial shock and start questioning where these big feelings have been hiding, I invite you to return to the three questions that always ground me in moments like this:
What am I feeling?
Where do I feel it in my body?
Have I felt this feeling before? If so, what caused the feeling last time?
Ask yourself this as many times per day as you need. Slow down to one decision at a time to give yourself space to breathe, feel, and process.
And while you're coming back to your body, learning how to understand its cues, and want to take immediate action to offload some of the WHAT CAN I DOOOO vibes, here are some actions you can take right now:
Some actions you may be able to take (thank you to Gabaccia and the Outdoorist Oath for compiling):
Donate to an abortion fund: abortionfunds.org
Demand rights for birthing people be protected by your local government
Attend rallies and protests
And of course, we have resources at Hiking My Feelings to help you process and feel a little less alone in all of this:
Join the Hiking My Feelings Family and contribute to the conversation on this thread.
Download our free Trail Thoughts Worksheets and turn your next hike into an opportunity for self-reflection and growth.
Sign up for Blaze Your Own Trail to Self-Love and learn more about how what you’ve experienced on your Trail of Life can be inspiration for you to write the next chapter of your story with intention and integrate all the lessons learned along the way. Our next class starts August 21 - registration and scholarship applications are open!
